Frequently Asked Questions

General

Tips for Guests

Ceremony & Traditions

Food

Misc.

What will happen in the weeks prior to your wedding?

On July 22, Josh will have an Aufruf, literally a "calling up." He will recite the blessings preceding and following a portion of the Torah reading in synagogue, and he will receive a special blessing for grooms. The Aufruf is held on a Shabbat prior to the wedding and Josh will be holding his in Ithaca to be with friends and family.

During the week before the wedding, and up until the bedeken, Josh and Alexis will not see each other. This is traditionally done by many Jewish couples and serves to enhance the joy of the wedding day.

The Shabbat immediately prior to the wedding is Alexis' Shabbat Kallah, which she will be spending Shabbat in Columbus surrounded by friends.

What will happen at your wedding?

At the wedding, a reception will begin at two separate locations (in the same building), since the bride and the groom will not have seen each other the week before the wedding. Alexis will host the kabbalat panim with most of the guests, while Josh will be at the chatan's tisch with many of his friends. At the chatan's tisch, the ketubah will be signed by two witnesses chosen by Josh and Alexis. After the chatan's tisch will be the bedeken, or veiling ceremony. Josh is followed by an entourage from the room where he is for the chatan's tisch over to Alexis where she is in the other room for the kabbalat panim.

After the bedeken the marriage ceremony is held in another room at the chupah, bridal canopy. The ceremony consists of two parts - kiddushin (betrothal) and nissuin (marriage)—separated by the reading of the ketubah. At the end of the ceremony, Josh will break a glass and the couple will be led by dancing and singing guests to the yichud room.

While Josh and Alexis enjoy a few moments of privacy, the guests will be entertained with a cocktail hour, after which time, Josh and Alexis will rejoin their guests for dinner and dancing. The evening will end with Birkat Hamazon , the grace after meals. This dinner will mark the first of seven festive meals, known as sheva brachot, that are done each day ofthe week following the wedding.

How do we reach you after the wedding?

We have not yet found an apartment, but we will be moving to Boston and we will post our address and phone number here as soon as we have them ourselves. Alexis will be starting at Suffolk Law School several weeks after the wedding. For now, we can be reached at

Is anything happening with the names?

No, neither the bride nor the groom will be changing their names.

The invitation says "Kabbalat Panim at five o'clock" and "Chupah at six o'clock." When should I actually arrive?

There will be a reception with hors d'eourves beginning at 5:00 p.m. During this time, Alexis and Josh will be in separate rooms during the chatan's tisch and kabbalat panim, allowing guests the opportunity to greet them and to mingle with other guests and witness the bedeken which marks an end of the reception. The processional, followed by the ceremony under the chupah, will begin at 6:00 p.m.

We strongly encourage all guests to arrive by 5:00 p.m.

What should I wear? / What does "Black tie optional / Modest dress requested" mean anyway?

Our wedding is black tie optional. Men who already own tuxedos should wear them; otherwise, a dark suit is perfectly appropriate. Women should wear evening gowns or other dressy outfits. As the wedding is a religious ceremony, women are requested to have shoulders covered in respectful attire.

We will be providing kippot before the ceremony for guests who choose to wear them.

What kind of music and dancing will there be during the reception?

For the majority of the wedding the band will be playing a mix of traditional and contemporary Jewish music, particularly dancing music conducive to Jewish Simcha dancing. For the dancing, men and women will dance on different parts of the dance floor.

Will I even be able to figure out how to dance?

Simcha dancing can be very simple or very complicated, but primarily it is an expression of joy and fun. Much of the music lends itself to circle dancing; when the steps get more complicated, someone will be happy to show you the moves—or you can just do your own thing!

What is "shtick?"

In Judaism, it is a mitzvah (commandment/good deed) to rejoice with the bride and groom on their wedding day and, in your rejoicing, to make the couple happy. The tradition has evolved through the years. In Eastern Europe a few hundred years ago, a jester would be hired to provide entertainment through the reception, often teasing the couple about the freedom they have left behind. Today, the couple's friends will often dress in silly costumes, perform magic tricks or acrobatics, and distribute plastic leis and maracas to the other guests in order to enliven the party atmosphere.

What about gifts?

Gift and Registry information can be found here.

Why will you be fasting on your wedding day?

One's wedding day is considered a personal Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement. The bride and groom fast prior to the wedding ceremony in order to cleanse their souls and better focus on the commitment they are about to make to each other.

What goes on at the kabbalat panim and the chatan's tisch?

kabbalat panim is Hebrew for "receiving of the faces" and chatan's tisch is Yiddish for "groom's table." During the first half of the reception, Josh will mingle with guests at the chatan's tisch while Alexis entertains (and is entertained by) close friends and relatives in another room. Alexis will be sitting in a specially decorated chair—a symbolic throne for the bride, who is treated as a queen. This is known as hachnasat kallah (literally, "attending the bride"). Guests will greet the bride and close friends will receive special blessings from her.

In the meantime, Josh will be at the chatan's tisch with relatives and friends. In addition to the recitation of mincha, the afternoon prayer service, an important document will be witnessed here. Here the ketubah, wedding contract, is read aloud. Josh will indicate his ascension to the contract by the taking of a handkerchief, and two witnesses will sign the ketubah, making it a valid and binding contract. The final step in putting the ketubah into effect occurs when Josh hands it to Alexis under the chupah. Once these documents have been signed, Josh will be escorted from the tisch to the cocktail room for the bedeken.

Why does Alexis wear a veil? What is a bedeken?

The bride's veil recalls the modesty of the Biblical matriarch Rebecca, who veiled herself upon seeing her future husband Isaac for the first time. The veil indicates that the groom loves the bride for her inner beauty and spiritual qualities as well as her outward appearance.

The term bedeken comes from a German word that literally means, "covering." Toward the end of the cocktail hour, Josh will be escorted by male friends and relatives (and some spirited music) from the chatan's tisch to Alexis ' "throne" in the cocktail room. He will take a moment to ensure that the bride is, in fact, the woman he wants to marry, thereby avoiding the Biblical situation where Jacob married Leah when he intended to marry her younger sister Rachel. Josh will then place the veil over Alexis' face, alluding to his promise to clothe her (one of the groom's obligations to the bride as specified in the ketubah).

Why do both of you walk down the aisle? Why do you have two escorts each?

Both Josh and Alexis will walk down the aisle toward the chupah, just as both of them are moving from their individual lives toward a new life together. The bride and groom are each escorted by both of their parents. This signifies that their families support the union, and that they will stand by their children as individuals and as a couple.

What does the chupah signify? Why will Josh arrive there first, and why will Alexis walk circles around him?

The chupah, or marriage canopy, symbolizes the home that Alexis and Josh will build together as a married couple. Its open sides recalls the tent of our ancestors Abraham and Sarah, who were known for their hospitality. The chupah also reminds us of the canopies God erected in the Garden of Eden for the first wedding, between Adam and Eve. This wedding completed the act of Creation, and just as every wedding recalls this first one, Divine joy is present at every wedding.

Josh will arrive at the chupah first in order to welcome Alexis into their home. (Roles will reverse when Alexis enters the yichud room first to welcome Josh.) He provides the roof of their home, but the home is still without walls. Alexis will join Josh at the end of the processional and walk seven circles around him, symbolically building the walls of their new home. Just as the roof Josh provides will offer shelter to his bride, Alexis promises protection and support for her groom by these walls. The seven circles recall the rotations of the earth during the seven days of Creation, reminding us that marriage was the final act of that Creation. The circles are also said to represent the bride and groom's entrance into the seven levels of each other's souls.

What goes on during kiddushin (the betrothal or ring ceremony)?

The Jewish wedding ceremony is divided into two parts: kiddushin and nissuin. Both parts begin with a blessing over a cup of wine. In kiddushin this blessing is recited by the mesader kiddushin, in our case Rabbi Yitzchak Blau. He will then recite a second blessing which speaks of the sanctity of marriage. Josh and Alexis will then each drink from this cup of wine.

Josh now gives his bride a gift: a simple wedding band. The ring must have no engravings, stones, or other adornments so that its value may be easily and accurately assessed. The simplicity of the ring signifies our wish for a marriage of simple beauty, free from blemish, obstruction, and conflict. As Josh places the ring on Alexis' finger, he will say, " Harei at mekudeshet li b'taba'at zo kedat moshe v'yisrael"—"Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the laws of Moses and Israel." By extending her finger to receive the ring, Alexis indicates her desire to enter into this marriage. She remains silent, as any words spoken may be misinterpreted as dissatisfaction or protest.

Josh places the ring on Alexis ' right index finger. Since the bride stands to the groom's right in a Jewish ceremony, her right hand receives the ring so that the witnesses have a clear view that the ring is actually being placed on her finger. Furthermore, the index finger is commonly used for pointing and indicates the bride's active participation in the betrothal ceremony. Later, Alexis will transfer the wedding band to her left ring finger.

What is a ketubah?

The ketubah is the Jewish marriage contract. The traditional text we are using is written in Aramaic, the vernacular of the Jewish people over 2000 years ago. This binding document details the groom's obligations to the bride; he promises to "work for, honor, provide for and support [the bride] in accordance with the practices of Jewish husbands..." The ketubah also grants the bride several special privileges within the marriage. One of its original purposes was to specify the amount of money she would recover from her husband's estate in the event of his death, placing her ahead of other creditors in collecting debts and protecting her interests as a widow.

Hundreds of years ago, kiddushin, or betrothal, took place about one year before nissuin , the marriage. Today, we conduct both ceremonies successively, and the ketubah is read after kiddushin in order to form a separation between the two.

Reading the ketubah also reminds us of the "marriage" between God and the Jewish People, where "Moses took the Book of the Covenant" and read it to the people after the Jewish nation stood under the chupah at Mount Sinai (Exodus 24:7).

What are the sheva brachot (seven wedding blessings)?

For nissuin, the second part of the ceremony under the chupah, the seven wedding blessings are recited over a second cup of wine. After the seventh blessing, Alexis and Josh each drink some of the wine.

1. Blessed are You, Lord, our God, King of the universe, Who creates the fruit of the vine.
   • This is the usual blessing said over wine.
2. Blessed are You, Lord, our God, King of the universe, Who has created everything for His glory.
   • This blessing refers to Creation, an underlying theme of the Jewish wedding.
3. Blessed are You, Lord, our God, King of the universe, Who fashioned the Human.
   • This alludes to a complete human being before the creation of man and woman, and provides an introduction to the next blessing.
4. Blessed are You, Lord, our God, King of the universe, Who fashioned the Man in His image, and prepared for him—from himself—a building for eternity. Blessed are you, Lord, Who fashioned the Man.
   • The "building" refers to Eve, the first woman, who was created from the body of the original complete human being.
5. Bring intense joy and exultation to the barren one through the ingathering of her children amidst her in her gladness. Blessed are You, Lord, Who gladdens Zion through her children.
   • We pray that both Jerusalem and the new couple shall know intense and everlasting joy, and that both will rejoice with their children—literal and figurative—in their future happiness.
6. Gladden the beloved companions as You gladdened Your creature in the Garden of Eden in that time. Blessed are You, Lord, Who gladdens groom and bride.
   • We pray that God will gladden the new couple as they join together and become loving companions for one another, and that He will grant them the pure happiness of Adam and Eve. Just as Adam and Eve were certain that they were destined for each other—as they the only people in the world at the time of their marriage—the bride and groom should always feel that they were intended as each other's perfect match.
7. Blessed are you, Lord, our God, King of the universe, Who created joy and gladness, groom and bride, mirth, glad song, pleasure, delight, love, brotherhood, peace, and companionship. Lord, our God, let there soon be heard in the cities of Judah and the streets of Jerusalem the sound of joy and the sound of gladness, the voice of the groom and the voice of the bride, the sound of the grooms' jubilance from their canopies and of youths from their song-filled feasts. Blessed are You, Who gladdens the groom with his bride.
   • This lengthy and beautiful blessing concludes the sheva brachot recited under the chupah. Two portions are sung aloud by all present, and then repeated by the person reciting the entire blessing. First is the ten expressions of happiness ("joy and gladness…companionship"), which allude to the ten canopies that God erected for the marriage of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. The other, "the sound of joy…voice of the bride" is part of the longer song beginning at "let there soon be heard," which is sung and played many times throughout the wedding. The blessing ends with praise for God as matchmaker, who creates joy for a person who has found his true companion.
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Why does Josh break a glass at the end of the ceremony?

We are commanded, even in times of extreme joy, to remember the destruction of the First and Second Temples in Jerusalem. Shattering glass creates a loud, sharp noise that should pierce our ears and our hearts, reminding us of the Temple's glass gate that King Solomon built especially for bridegrooms. Breaking a glass also recalls Moses's breaking of the first tablets of the Law upon seeing the golden calf at Mount Sinai.

It is appropriate to greet the couple with "Mazal Tov! " (literally, "Good Luck!") after breaking the glass, alluding to the verse: "He who has found a wife has found goodness (tov ), and he has brought favor from God" (Proverbs 18:22). However we take a moment to remember the destruction of the Temples, and to reflect on the verses that will be sung before breaking the glass:

If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget her cunning. Let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth, if I do not remember you; if I do not place Jerusalem above my highest joy. (from Psalm 137)

Why are Alexis and Josh running away right after the ceremony?

After the ceremony, Alexis and Josh will spend their first moments as a married couple in complete privacy, alluding to the new intimacy in their relationship. Escorted by their dancing attendants and guests, they will walk from the chupah to the yichud room. ("yichud" is Hebrew for "togetherness.") Two witnesses will first ensure that there is no one in the room. Alexis will step in first and will then welcome Josh into this symbolic bridal chamber. The witnesses will close the door and stand guard outside the room, emphasizing that a married couple's privacy must be respected. For the nosy among you, the yichud room is really just a symbolic consummation of the marriage; Alexis and Josh will share a small meal (they will have been fasting all day until now), a few tender words, and Alexis will give Josh his wedding band in this quiet setting.

What marks the end of the wedding?

The reception officially ends with the group recitation of birkat hamazon, the grace after meals. The prayer is preceded by the singing of Psalm 126, indicating the joy a couple feels immediately following their wedding. One person is appointed leader of the grace, and he begins by holding a cup of wine while inviting the guests to recite grace together . The usual invitation to recite grace is expanded after the wedding feast to include references to the celebration taking place and to joy in general. At the end of birkat hamazon, the last six of the sheva brachot that were recited under the chupah are now said over a second cup of wine. The leader then makes the blessing over wine and drinks from the first cup. The wine from both cups is poured into a third, and then some of the mixed wine is poured back into the original cups, one of each is given to the bride and groom. After Alexis and Josh have drunk from their cups, they will pass the wine around to the guests, who may drink a sip for good luck and blessings.

What does it mean that the food is "kosher?"

Kosher food conforms to the Jewish dietary laws. Primarily, these laws restrict which land animals and seafood are permitted to be eaten, and dictate that meat and dairy cannot be cooked, prepared, served, or eaten together. A mashgiach, or person well-versed in the dietary laws, will be in the kitchen to supervise food preparation.

Will the meal be meat or dairy?

The meal and some of the hors d'eourves will be meat with vegetarian options.

Who provides the kosher supervision for your caterer?

Lauren Berdy is catering the wedding under the supervision of the Va'ad Ho-ir of Columbus.

How did you ever write such a wonderfully complete FAQ?

Oops! A shoutout to our friends Shanna and Julian (Giora-)Gorfajn for allowing us to pirate much of their FAQ. You didn't think we wrote that all ourselves, did you? You can see their lovely website at http://wedding.gorfajn.com.

Your webpage and save the date were really cool. How did you do it, and where can we get stuff done like it?

This was done my the couple's friend, Ilan. Feel free to drop him a line.